Most Useful Skill? or The Value of Wood Shop

The other night my son, who is a senior in high school, and I were talking about going to college.  He was commenting that he felt like he wasn't really learning anything useful in high school...and that it seemed that all high school was good for was to get you admitted to college where you'd learn real skills.


We debated that back and forth and he finally asked me "Dad, tell me one skill  you learned in high school that you still use today."


I had to think for a while, but I finally came up with an answer...


You ready for it?

Being Offended

Men don’t get offended.  Angry maybe, irritated at times and when things get really bad we might knock some heads a bit to prove a point.  But we don’t get offended.

 

Why don’t true men get offended?

Simple.  Being offended is a choice.  It’s an excuse made by people to cover up for their failures and shortcomings.  It’s human nature…if I can blame my faults on somebody else offending me, then I don’t have to own that weakness or make effort to overcome it.

For example…somebody says something that hurts my feelings.  I can do one of two things: a) Fix it so that my feelings aren’t hurt by resolving the situation or I can b) allow those feelings to fester and rot my soul while I wallow and self pity and blame that other person for offending me to justify that feeling.

 

Which do you think is the manlier approach?  Isn’t it obvious?

 

My Smart Phone Is Making Me Stupid

Help! My smart phone is making me stupid!

I recently was upgraded at work to the Samsung Galaxy S5.  It’s a sweet phone.  I can access nearly everything.  I have both my work and personal email accounts accesable on there.  I have some great fitness apps to track my calories, workouts, mileage…it even takes my pulse!  I can get up to date, local weather forecasts and even animated weather maps for anywhere in the world.  I have instant access to Facebook, Instagram, Twitter…you name it!  Don’t even get me started on the camera!  I have a photo and video suite in my pocket.  I have the entire Gospel Library in there and have access to decdes of conference talks and church videos.

It’s truly the Tricorder from Star Trek come to life!

It’s a great device…and I hate it.

Fighting False Beliefs

In my area we are experiencing a phenomenon that I don’t think is isolated.  It is that young people find facts out about Church history and such that catch them off guard and they feel “betrayed” and start to question their beliefs and then delve into a lot of misinformation or incorrectly portrayed facts about the Church…mostly published by people opposed to the LDS Faith…and these kids slowly and quietly slip away from faith and fall into apostasy.

There are tons of examples…here are a few:

• Joseph Smith practiced polygamy, even with married women
• There never was a revelation that Black people could not hold the priesthood
• Women used to be able to pass the sacrament
• Joseph Smith used a seer stone to aid in translating a large portion of the Book of Mormon
• There are many, many others...

Kids hear about this stuff for the first time from sources other than Church and when they bring it up in a Church setting, they are shot down by adults who don’t know how to deal with the questions…and these kids feel lied too.

Men's Fashion (snicker)

I saw a piece the other day about Men’s Fashion and fall trends.  It kind of made me laugh.  The ‘trends’ that they were showing caused me to say “What kind of man would wear that?”.

To be frank the term “men’s fashion” makes me sort of chuckle.  Not that I don’t think that a guy should care about how he dresses and looks, because I do. I think it is very important.  I also think that if you were to ask a guy what designer suit he is wearing, the correct answer should be “I don’t know”. Because that should not matter to a guy.

All decisions I make regarding the clothes I wear follow these basic five rules:

1. Dress Right for the occasion
2. Look your best for that occasion
3. Your clothes should fit
4. Clothes should match
5. Your attire should present the best possible YOU that it can.

People vs. Programs

Lately I’ve had time to consider the various programs of the church and to, quite honestly, evaluate their worth and value to the members.   The conclusions that I’ve come to have surprised me.

It all started with a meeting that I had regarding the status of our YM. To be brutally honest, our ward has not had a good track record of cranking out worthy, temple bound young men who are ready to serve in the Melchizedek Priesthood, go on missions and marry in the temple.  I’d quote you the statistics, but they are too depressing.

So we held this discussion as to what to do about it.  After discussing all the programs we have available to the YM and what we might be able to do…we didn’t come up with any good ideas.  One comment that was made really struck me to the core though…it was made by our Bishop when he stated “When I’m sitting in the front of the chapel and I look over the congregation, I don’t see happy people. Living the gospel should make us happy, shouldn’t it?”

Of course the reply to that is YES! We should be the happiest people on the earth.  We have the restored gospel of Jesus Christ…we should be ecstatic!

So what’s the deal?

Crushing It...and Paying for It

I always feel like the HULK when I lift hard.

I crushed my workout this morning.

I’ve been sidelined by a knee injury. And I’ve been slowly working my way back to full strength.

How did I hurt my knee?  I’m not 100% sure.  I probably just overdid my summer.  Running, mountain climbing, backpacking, canyoneering, mountain biking, more hiking, more backpacking…somewhere in that mix it started to hurt and swell, and for a long time I couldn’t kneel or go down stairs very easily.  The condition I have is most commonly referred to as “runner’s knee”.  It isn’t painful as much as it is frustrating. 

So I’ve been icing it, working it carefully to get it back to where I can really work it again.

Where Are The Men?

I’ve heard a few statistics of late that have left me scratching my head and asking “What’s up with men in the Church?” or better yet “Where are the men?”.

Consider these numbers:

• Nearly 80% of the population of the Church is either female or under age 18.
• In the recent missionary surge from roughly 55,000 missionaries to nearly 90,000 missionaries the majority of that additional 40,000 missionaries are women.
• In any given ward there is nearly a 70/30 ratio of women to men (active).

As I thought about these statistics I asked myself: Why are men not coming to church? Why are men not being active at church and often falling away from the church in such large numbers?  As I considered this, it occurred to me that we have (as a Church) actively and subconsciously driven men away.  Our actions, words and activities methodically chase men away from Church in droves.

Techno-Babies

After my post yesterday, I had someone say to me “but we have to teach our kids about technology, they have to learn this stuff to be successful in the world today.”

I thought about this idea and I’ve come to the conclusion that they are 100% wrong.  Here is why:

Is a Man-Cave Really All that Manly? (for fun)

I love my garage.  In fact that was a major deciding factor in buying my house.  It is a genuine two-car garage, which means that you can comfortably park two cars in it and there is still room for bikes, mowers, snow blowers, tool benches, refrigerator, weight bench, TV…etc. and you can still walk around the cars. It’s a great garage. It’s a great place to be doing manly things.

I exercise out there in the mornings.  My Saturday’s are spent out there.  I am out there frequently during the week.  It’s a manly place to be…as garages have been for years.  What is more manly than a great garage?

Iron Man's garage is the greatest garage ever. (the Batcave is a close second since it is more of a cave than a garage...)

Rise of the Un-MEN

By now I’m sure that nearly everyone has heard the statistics.  The ones that put numbers to the increasing failures of the male gender.  We are being outperformed by women on all fronts; education, profession, religion and being responsible adults.  What gives? 

I even read recently that the oft touted statistic that women earn 77 cents for every dollar that men earn may not be all that true and that reality is that women soon will be earning as much as 8% more than men!

Boys are failing on an epic scale!

Up front let me state that I’m all in favor of equality and I hope I do not come across as slighting women in any way with what I’m going to say here.  The success that women are having is well earned and deserved, they have worked hard and sacrificed a lot to achieve it (men take note…this is the formula for success).

I also firmly believe that we play very specific gender roles for a reason and that it all part of a divine plan.

More and more it seems that men are opting to forgo the role of the breadwinner to stay home and let mom fulfill the divinely appointed role of protector, provider & presiding for their family.  Is it any wonder that men are reporting increases in reporting depression, anxiety and suicide?  When a man isn’t living up to his divine potential he cannot be satisfied and he cannot feel good about himself. 

On average men now spend more time in the bathroom grooming themselves than women do, spending nearly as much as women on cosmetic and beauty products.

Men today even produce less testosterone (the chemical that makes us men) and each generation declines even further.  Literally making us less and less manly with each passing generation. We are very LITERALLY becoming more feminine.

What really scares me:

Determined Discipline

We all do it.


Every single one of us is guilty.

We all know what is good for us…spiritually, physically, etc…we know the right things to do, but we just can’t bring ourselves to do them most of the time.

For instance.  I know that if I get out of bed when my alarm goes off and go exercise I’m going to have more energy, feel healthier, be stronger and just have a way better day.  I know that if I do get up on time that I’m 100% more likely to make it to the bus on time to get to work.  I just know that will happen.  Yet EVERY SINGLE DAY when that alarm goes off, I have to make myself get up.  I don’t want to get up.  I grumble and groan about it and often I’ll talk myself out of it and lay back down and sleep some more.  What’s wrong with a little more sleep?  Nothing really, but I know that my day will not go as well if I don’t discipline myself and exercise.

The same can be said for lots of things in our lives.  We know what is good for us and what is not…yet somehow it is always way easier to choose that which is not good for us and doing the thing that IS good for us is always more difficult.

Why is that?

It’s because the Natural Man lacks what I’ll call “Determined Discipline” and in fact he really hates it.  The Natural Man seeks the easy, lazy path of least resistance. The path that appears to have low levels of difficulty and the one that will bring pleasure NOW…not defer it for later.  This short sightedness leads to problems later, but the Natural Man doesn’t care, he wants pleasure NOW.

Life Is Tough...Always Has Been

I heard a news bit the other day that really made me pause and think. The story followed a young man and was talking about how he’s going to have to move back home with his parents upon graduating from college because of how tough things are and how hard it is to get a respectable job.  His exact comment was “I can’t afford to pay rent on what I make at Starbucks”  He then went on to complain about how the older generation just doesn’t understand how much harder life is today and they need to lighten up on the young people.

I had two immediate thoughts: 1) this kid is a huge boob, and 2) he needs to get off his backside and find a better job…or maybe two jobs...or three jobs.  He's young, it won't kill him.

This story then caused me to reflect about what life was like when my wife and I graduated from college and I began to wax nostalgic…I decided to write down what it was like…so here goes…

When I graduated from the University of Utah in 1995/96 life was tough…and I loved it!

Taking Risks

I noticed something interesting at an activity that I attended recently…and it was that today's boys are really afraid to take risks, whereas the girls seem to have more courage to try things and potentially fail.

The reason that this struck me as odd is because that the traditional stereotype is that men tend to be the risk takers.  Men are the ones who are always doing something that requires the courage and willingness to possibly fail.

At least in the instance of the activity that I attended this was not the case.

Often when asking Young Men about this kind of thing, you will get a long list of reasons why they should not take the risk.  Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of looking foolish…etc…the common denominator being FEAR.

I tell you what…I hate that word.

2 Timothy 1:7 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

There is only one good use for fear and it is the kind of fear that protects life.  The fear of an actual, real, dangerous, bad thing happening.  Fear that causes adrenaline to race though our bodies and gives us power to protect loved ones.  Fear that makes us prepare for the worst, but live for the best.

Irrational, paralyzing fear though, seems to be a dominant force in the lives of our men today.  Irrational fears that become debilitating and create physical, mental and emotional barriers to being the best we can be.  What are we really so afraid of? Why are we cowering before phantoms that aren’t there? Why do we let these fears dictate unmanly behavior? Most importantly…when did this become acceptable?

Fear is the antithesis of faith.

We are men. 

Men do not hide from a challenge.  Men do not let circumstance dictate behavior. We act with honor ALWAYS. We move forward with courage and fortitude.  We relish danger and we ‘grin when we fight’ (Winston Churchill). We take risks.  We learn from mistakes. 

WE ARE PRIESTHOOD MEN.

We protect the weak and defenseless.  We sacrifice to provide for others.  We give up our own comfort that others may be comfortable. We use our priesthood not for our own vain purposes nor to satisfy personal desires for glory.  We exercise this priesthood on behalf of those whom we serve…especially women and children.  It is our God given gift to bless their lives far beyond our own.

Of course sometimes we are scared and can be fearful…but it is those moments that true character shines through.  Are we cowards…or are we men of valor?  Is our Virtue one of honor or are we slaves to weakness and FEAR.

Don’t be afraid.  Be faithful. 

Feed the dog of courage.

NO FEAR – NO WHINING – NO REGRETS

On Being Happy

The other day I was asked the question "how do you make yourself happy?"  I sent the following response and thought it might make a good post here (since I have been so delinquent in posting things here.)  Being happy is certainly a driving force for any Priesthood Warrior.

Here is my email in it's entirety:

You asked me the other night how to be happy…the short answer that I gave you was that you simply “Decide to be happy and then be that way.”

Living a Higher Standard

Nearly every organization in the world has standards, creed’s or codes of conduct for their members.  Those who belong to those organizations make a commitment to act, behave or comply in the way those codes outline.  In fact, most people who join any organization, do so BECAUSE of the standards set forth by those organizations.  They join because they want to be a part of what that organization represents and stands for.

This is especially true in warrior cultures. From the ancient Spartans, to the modern day SEAL’s…all of them have had rigorous standards that defined who and what they were.  They were great because they set high and undeviating standards.  If someone could not live up to the standard, then they simply could not be a part of the organization.

For example…to even be considered a candidate to become a Navy SEAL requires that you:
a)    Must be Male
b)    Must be in the US Navy
c)    Must be able to pass a minimum physical fitness requirements
d)    Must complete the BUD/s school training


There is also some additional testing that occurs to determine mental and psychological compatibility to serve.

The Battle

(The following article is Part 1 in a series on the spiritual battles we fight and how to win them.  There is a presentation that goes with it, and when I finish the series I'll make the presentation available)

THE BATTLE - Why We Fight!

LDS-SOF - Becoming Warriors 

Every day, we are faced with personal battles. Struggles, difficulties, choices and consequences.  We have options to control our destiny, or to be blown about by 'circumstance'.

The Spirit of a Warrior

My son is a runner, actually he is a very talented runner.

The other night he came to me with a very serious question, I could tell that he’d been thinking about it for some time.  He said; “Dad, why is it that here I am, tall, lean and running hard, exercising, eating right and really trying, and yet I’m struggling to achieve my goal times…I’m only going so fast…but yet,  I know that somewhere in Ethiopia or Kenya, there is a kid, the same age as me, same build, etc. but with less advantages…and he can probably run faster than me?  What is the difference?”

WOW…what a thought provoking question.  It was one that I really had to think about.  You see on the surface it doesn’t make any sense.  In the USA we have more money, state of the art science, excellent coaches and training facilities…but yet we still can’t seem to churn out world class distance runners very effectively…why is that?

To understand, you have to turn what makes sense on its head.

Here is what I told him:

Stoicism...

OK…so I’ve been mulling this around for some time…Elder D. Todd Christofferson’s talk from General Conference (Brethren We Have Work To D) was a very powerful one to me.  It echoes many sentiments that I’ve written about here on my blog.  It was thrilling to me to hear his words and feel a small sense of validation.  I can’t tell you how many times as I’ve tried to talk about these very issues, and people have said “If this is so important, why aren’t the brethren talking about it?”…WELL…

One thing in particular that I can’t seem to get out of my head, was this quote:

“Today, however, with women moving ahead in an advanced economy, provider husbands and fathers are now optional, and the character qualities men had needed to play their role—fortitude, stoicism, courage, fidelity—are obsolete and even a little embarrassing.”

Those four attributes that he lists piqued my curiosity: Fortitude, Stoicism, Courage, Fidelity.  What do these words mean? Why do they matter? How do they define men? And ultimately, how do we put them into practice?

Random Thoughts

Today I’d like to address a few random thoughts that I’ve had rolling around for some time, but haven’t been able to make a full, coherent post out of…

Random thought #1 - The hijacking of the word VIRTUE by the YW program of the Church.  I mean no disrespect by this, but I wonder if anyone has actually looked up the definition of the word? We hear a lot these days about the “Return to Virtue”…but what does that really mean?

vir•tue - [vur-choo]: from L. virtutem (nom. virtus) "moral strength, manliness, valor, excellence, worth," from vir "man"
noun
1. moral excellence; goodness; righteousness.
2. conformity of one's life and conduct to moral and ethical principles; uprightness; rectitude.
3. chastity; virginity:
4. a particular moral excellence.
5. a good or admirable quality or property:
6. effective force; power or potency:
7. virtues, an order of angels.
8. manly excellence; valor.

Virtue is a very manly word…quite possibly one of the MOST MANLY words around.  Why? Well, the root VIR is Latin for MAN…and the word is literally the definition of a manly man.  To be a man of virtue is to have the highest regard of manliness. It defines a man as noble, respected, righteous, honorable, courageous in battle and trustworthy.  In ancient Rome, and man who was described as “VIRTUS” was akin to royalty.  Only the bravest and most noble in a man bestowed this title upon him.