Thursday, June 26, 2014

So I’m watching the news while I ate my lunch and this woman comes on who has written a book called “Other-Hood: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness” by Melanie Notkin.  The basic jest of her book is based around the fact that many women today are deciding that marriage and family is not for them and that they can lead ‘happy and fulfilling lives’ without all that…’Other-hood’ instead of Motherhood.

I was floored. 

Aside from odd premise that so many women believe that happiness is to be found in NOT fulfilling the ‘measure of their creation’…there was something even more fascinating about the argument that Melanie presented (something that actually seemed to contradict the initial premise of ‘women being happy all alone’). After some discussion with the news caster it was pointed out that the majority of women would like to find a good man, marry and have a family…BUT…they are very underwhelmed with the choice of men they encounter and ultimately don’t really want to marry them.  Basically she said that the MEN of today are wussies. As she spoke I surprisingly found myself starting to agree with her.

In today’s world there has been such a push for equality of the sexes that in order to achieve it, we’ve told women to be more aggressive with the side effect message (intentional or not) to men to be less and less aggressive and decisive. So when women date these men;, who make no decisions, the woman must take charge.  They guy is trying to be ‘politically correct’ and conform to what society has told him to do, but instead comes across as lazy.  Women start to wonder what the guys are good for.  This then becomes a huge turn-off, and women question “why do I need a guy at all?”

Think about it, how often do you guys go on a date (single guys or married guys taking their wives on a date) and you leave it up to the woman to choose the restaurant or the entertainment?  How many of you let her plan the date entirely?  How many of you let her pick out your wardrobe that you will wear? Is it any wonder that she has a lower and lower opinion of you?

When was the last time you planned the date, picked her up, OPENED THE CAR DOOR FOR HER, chose the food/ activity, OPENED DOORS FOR HER, seated her before yourself, ordered the food for her, paid for the date, then took her home, OPENED HER CAR DOOR, walked her back to the front door of her home, and then kissed her without asking for permission?

From personal experience I can assure you that when you plan the date and make it happen, it is a HUGE deal to your significant other.  My wife is SO MUCH happier when I plan our dates.  Even when it’s her birthday and I want her to eat where she wants to.  I KNOW what she likes to eat so when I chose the place where I know she wants to go to, she LOVES IT!

The author of the book actually pointed out that most women WANT their guy to be chivalrous, decisive and to be a ‘take-charge’ kind of guy.  That doesn’t equate to being a bully.  It does mean that you pay attention and KNOW what she likes and dislikes.  It means that you learn to read her and determine what kind of mood she’s in and act accordingly.  That is what MEN do…but it seems that in today’s world we are doing it less and less.

I get it.  I understand the hesitation on the part of men to do this.  We’ve been brainwashed to think that we’ll be upsetting women if we are decisive or worse, that we are being abusive.  Reality is that nothing could be farther from the truth.  Here is my advise…BE A MAN.  Be a man that a woman would want.  Be the guy that she will think to herself “This guy would be an amazing husband and father.” 

Too many men are happy to remain boys and instead of wives and girlfriends they’ve found ‘mommies’ to take care of them.  Too many women have been OK with this and it has set an uncomfortable precedent.  This is a trend that must stop.

Men, grow up.

Women, expect more.